i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
