Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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