the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
