Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I think I died a long time ago.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
