He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I just found puke in my bra..
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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