Tell her she can't have a vagina
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
