everyone is single if you try hard enough
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize