my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
At least life still wants to fuck me.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
is that a dick in a sweater?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
