my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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