You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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