SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
