Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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