just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
