so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
