Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Come see our sink grown plant.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
