I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
