I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
We talked him into tasing himself.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
