What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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