There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Someone came in the potted fern
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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