Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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