Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
