Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
