He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize