This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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