So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
