I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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