The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
