You made me cry and you don't even care
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Blood and glitter go together right?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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