I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
