my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
