kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Randomize
