she looked like the before picture.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize
