Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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