Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
