i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
