One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
