Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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