So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize