We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
40s are totally the cure
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize