i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
