Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
