It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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