Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
