Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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