I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
