I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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