Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
