Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
