tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
