The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
