I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
