My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
