Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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