You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
