Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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