He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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