My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
