Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
