Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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