so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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