i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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