who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
