Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
