what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
