Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i barfeds in our rink
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
