gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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