He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize