Your tits are I can't wait for
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize