You made me cry and you don't even care
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
